Gays against Gaga

Hello, I’m Evan, and I absolutely love your blog. As a new-to-the-scene, 18-yr old gay man, I have had increasing difficulty finding intellectual attraction and integrity on the “scene”. Hypersexuality and emotional repression have made countless stereotypes come to life in my community and I absolutely hate it. Having realized that I grew up in a world where fully developed, intellectual and romantic relationships between men were rarer than bareback pornstars without HIV (pardon the crudeness), I have struggled for the past year questioning whether I’d find what i was looking for. And thanks to this blog, I am not only assured that I will find my Eden, but that there is a growing faction of like-minded people (note: people, not just homosexuals) who help defend and protect this Eden. Your insight on gay misogyny I’ve seen tenfold, and I am flabbergasted that not more gays realize the evilness that this harbors within the movement.  

Thank you again for your work, it means so much more than you could imagine, and I will continue to diligently follow and share the work that you have accomplished here.

Hey Evan.  Thanks so much for reading, and thanks for your note.  I don’t want to get too “mentor-y” here, but I want to emphasize that more boys are actually after intellectual and romantic relationships than you might imagine—they’ve just been conditioned to feel they have to behave a certain way or project a certain exaggerated confidence to feel “liberated”.  This is especially common for young dudes who are just out; many grow out of it.   It can be frustrating, but have compassion for those guys, try not to pass judgment, and realize that without trying you are probably a role model to them.  When you model the kind of self-respect and social justice consciousness you want to see in others, they’ll feel more comfortable letting their brains and hearts really show.  

Also be patient.  Sometimes it takes a while to find what you’re looking for.  It’s important for me not to reveal too much personal info about myself on this blog  (to protect myself from scary “little monsters” who would come after me with pitchforks) but I will say this:  My fiance is the bravest, smartest, kindest, hottest, most wholesome, most subversive, most talented feminist punk rock intellectual I’ve ever met.  We found each other because of all the important work we’d done on ourselves when we were younger.  Sometimes that meant accepting a degree of self-isolation for the sake of self-differentiation.  We didn’t take the easy path, and we are SO happy as a result.